It was past midnight in summer of June. Sitting cross-legged in her bed, she had tuned in to Amazon music. Her Sony earphones was playing “Cruel Summer” in loop. She discovered that song only recently. It aptly complimented her state of affairs… The state, her present association was in.
She smiled at that thought!
She lost her music collection, scan of her sketches, pictures she had clicked over the years, alongwith a lot of associated sentiments when her laptop was damaged three years back. She lost her phone last year. With that, backup was lost too.
Things around her were warning her in their capacity. With signs, she could not decipher. Until…
This time around, she wasn’t going to spend six years in brooding, recollecting herself. Once was enough that she had given up deciding to let go, giving in. No man was worth her life, neither the one she left behind, nor, the one she left behind thereafter.
But that was a different time in some other time zone. In this time zone, she was dangerously being herself. Time now moved when she approvaled.
After deciding, she had had enough, she dissociated herself letting her cruel alter take over… the undamaged part of her who knew well to come out unscathed, every time. She was now learning to keep her awake in her consciousness.
Within a couple of weeks of drawing curtains on whatever was left, she arrived where her heart desired. In her mind, that situation was well over while she was still ‘in it’. Changing her direction of energies, she set the course her life took, thereafter. The rest, she let her alter do it for her.
Tonight, she was listening to her newly curated playlist. Numbers from the 90s, all time classics to the recent blockbusters, she had them all added to it. She was nowhere near done. Ardently, she was adding on… exactly how she was taking life experiences in stride and moving on. Like nothing happened. Ever.
She had learnt to weather the storms. She was enjoying the weather and the rainbows, post one such. She was living what seemed to her as one of the best phases of her life.
It was sometime, her present association had made home in her thoughts. Her mind stayed lit as though found heavens. She stayed consumed in an everlasting bliss of a new found escapade with a fulfilling after feel of a fairy tale forevermore… immersed in a pervading sense of initiation and ascension, both at once.
She was reading the texts they had exchanged since the beginning. There were some she wanted to respond to with a deeper resonance, once more. Her mind was making notes inactively. She would most certainly talk about them when she sees him next. Or maybe, she would let her actions do the talking.
Scrolling through the messages, she stopped at a voice message to listen. In it, she had asked him, if he would prepare a cuppa for her or would she have to for him, what kind was he… Her recorded message played right at the interlude of the song playing in her ears creating a dream-like charm of a trance number… like a live sequence of sound and spell.
That’s when it hit her! What she had asked him in that message had come to pass, already.
With recollection, surfaced up the memories of the preceding time and that of the night before. The series of recent events had changed her current reality and for the times to come.
Just like that, her cheeks flushed the palest of peach. Only the two of them knew in flesh and heart, all that had transpired. In the most selfish way, she liked to keep her memories to herself as though sharing would take away from her.
In their most intimate moment, she had felt the closest to him. If only bodies communicated… Maybe they did. With every stroke his tongue was making urging her to give in, she was being drawn into a new world… Their world.
While the hormones in her body were dancing their wildest… and blood rushing to where his mouth was… emotions were flooding her pounding heart. What timing!
Her mind was racing faster than her pulse. Conversations they had made, their fight over making love and all that they had wanted to do to one another was motioning into a giant whirlpool. In it, she was drowning, consciously. This is what she had wanted, ever. To lose herself, and for once, not think at all.
More than ‘whatever happened that night’, she was a ‘morning after’ person. She had shared about it with him the night before. That morning, after whatever happened that night was the most appropriate sketch of her idea.
She would never know if he was creating morning after for her. She didn’t want to either. Everything was perfect. She didn’t want to twig out any tangent. For once, everything was in harmony. She was to stay present in that moment, and witness all. Not resist. Just float.
Her mind was busy weaving a string of reasoning with her neurons. While she was giving all up – letting go of herself, that very moment of ecstasy – when her body was floating through eternal bliss… also emerged to be the point of enlightenment! At that highest point of dwelling, she was liberated.
Her body let go of hold ups letting her mind get retrained! Her sighs were a blend of cries of elation, and elevated screams of realization. Instantaneously, she saw everything clearly, more than ever.
She saved that realization of him, that moment in time when she fell in love with him & the place she wouldn’t want to return from – where she lay all her experiences, subliminal.
Soon after, he prepared her, her morning cuppa. She wanted to hold him post their time together. She held him from behind and wanted to lose herself, again. Perhaps, for the eternity this time.
In that moment, she fell in love with him once again.
A seemingly trivial gesture meant the world to her. She inhaled deep and mocked him for his belly. She was too careful to give away what she was enjoying then.
Selfish? Discreet.
Her mind came back to the present. A large grin settled on her face. Her eyes were moist just as they were when she had held him from behind. She liked holding men like that. If bodies could communicate, his would have heard her’s saying, “go on, you can do this, I got your back”
If talking for just a few hours made him want more of her, it was now for him to assess how much more she wanted him now.
Not really a fiction 